


My Old Friend

by Enk



Series: Hello Darkness [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bad Jokes, Damn it Stark, God of Mischief, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki being Loki, M/M, The answer is not always robots, Tony Stark Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 09:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12908859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enk/pseuds/Enk
Summary: When Peter declines a spot with the Avengers, Tony panics.





	1. (The Robot Apocalypse)

It's been a day. Tony falls back onto the couch and closes his eyes. He had not expected Peter to turn down his offer. The welcome basket literally still is on the bed in the room beside Vision's. He also had not expected Happy to still carry around that ring all these years, even though Tony and Pepper very clearly had separated, amicably yes, but very definitely separated. And of course he hadn't expected Loki to play along, though judging by his face- well Pepper's face- he had considered just walking away and letting Tony deal with Happy who apparently has had a ring in his pocket for years. However, in the end, he had played along and at one point he had looked rather smug when Tony realised he had to go through with the proposal.

 

He hears his phone chime once, twice, five times, and then it rings. He doesn't have to look at it to know it's Pepper who just realised that giving Loki permission to pretend to be her standing in the background so Pepper wouldn't have to return early from her well-deserved long weekend had backfired. A lot. Loki had been really convincing, too, clasping a hand over his heart and gasping "Tony, are you serious?" in that half bemused, half exasperated voice Pepper had when Tony had done something endearing yet ridiculously irresponsible. Tony answers the phone and listens to her outrage and exasperation. There isn't any endearment left in her voice. After all there is a reason they're no longer together.

 

"I'm sorry," Tony says when she finishes and he means it. "I was going to introduce the kid but he declined and I panicked and Happy still had that ring and- …yeah, you're right, that's not an excuse."

 

"I trusted you, both of you." There is so much disappointment in her voice that Tony feels ill. She had trusted them. She had found out about Loki and she hadn't said a word because after a long conversation with Loki, Tony, and Vision, she had decided to trust them. And they had betrayed her. "I received a hundred e-mails and just as many phone calls about the wedding and it's barely been an hour."

 

"I'll fix this," he promises even though he has no idea how. But he has to, somehow he has to because this kind of impulsive crap was what had doomed their relationship in the first place. He doesn't want it to also doom their friendship.

 

"The PR team is already working on a statement." Pepper says with a sigh. "It will be released first thing tomorrow morning. All you need to do is confirm the statement. Now I have to make another call and then I'm going to turn off my phone for the next 24 hours. Please try not to make things worse."

 

She hangs up before Tony can answer. With a sigh, Tony puts his phone in his pocket and to his surprise, he hears Loki's phone ring in the other room. Well, at least they're in trouble together though that is not as reassuring as he wants it to be. Tony gets up and changes into slacks and a tank top before heading downstairs to his personal R&D lab. He'll fix this. He just needs to be faster than PR.

 

***

 

When Loki walks into the lab an hour later, he almost looks contrite. He sits down on the work bench beside Tony after pushing a few things to the side. Tony doesn't mind because it means he gets to work close to Loki. Usually, Tony hates someone touching his stuff while he is working and being watched while he is working. But Loki is different. He doesn't hover over Tony's shoulder or comments or asks questions. He simply watches because as Loki explained, he enjoys watching Tony work. And right now, he does the same, sitting quietly with his legs crossed, just watching Tony with silent interest. It takes another half hour of Tony working in silence- well, Tony and Loki are silent, the music blaring from the speakers isn't- for him to finish the part he's working on and moves to stand in front of Loki with a smile.

 

"Figured out how to fix it." He says and kisses Loki when the man raises an eyebrow. But he also explains. "Life model decoy. It's been boxed for a while, but I was close. With the data gathered from creating Vision, I figured it out. I'll hold a press conference and unveil the prototype based on-"

 

"Anthony this is a terrible idea." Right. Emotional sledgehammer. Loki doesn't let him get a word in either. "Why not simply explain the truth? You put Miss Potts on the spot in order to cover up your failure to recruit a new member to your quaint little team. She said yes because she didn't want to embarrass you but ultimately you didn't mean it because the two of you broke up years ago."

 

Tony tries to push himself off the emotional rollercoaster Loki just took him on and shakes his head. This makes sense. He can fix it. This is going to fix it. He used a life model decoy and to see if anyone would spot the difference he proposed since everyone would scrutinise the images. Also Loki is the last person from whom he had expected the ‘just tell the truth’ route. As if Loki’s ever been straight-forward honest about anything.

 

"But I'm actually pretty close and-"

 

"Ultron." Loki interrupts him and slides off the counter.

 

"Fuck you." Tony's reaction is immediately defensive. He takes a few steps away from Loki. That was a low blow even for the guy who has the emotional tact of an all-powerful being but even that isn't an excuse because Vision is a lot gentler with Tony's feelings than Loki is on a good day. That's not the point. The point is that Tony suddenly can't breathe. There are no flashes in front of his eyes and he doesn’t hear Ultron’s voice, those days are thankfully behind him. But for the first time in weeks he thinks about needing a drink. It’s fleeting but it’s there and that just- angry, yea he’s angry. "Fuck you," he says again and puts the coil spanner down.

 

"Tony...," Loki says, all warm and kind now because of course now he realises what he’s said and tries to close the distance between them. However Tony can't be close to him right now, not when he's this angry. He extends his arm and shakes his head. Loki does stop and just looks at him in a way that confuses Tony. Loki looks at him like he doesn't know what to do next and is trying to take cues from Tony.

 

"He does have a point," Vision says, entering the room clearly after having heard everything they'd said. Tony had long stopped to figure Vision out because Jarvis's entire database is part of Vision now. Everything Jarvis knew about Tony, Vision knows about Tony. And Jarvis knew everything. Everything. And because Tony hears Jarvis's voice still when Vision speaks, he feels betrayed.

 

"Oh great, both of you." Tony doesn't mean to be overly dramatic but he also can't stop the eye roll and his search for an escape route.

 

"Loki says what he does out of love." Vision says and that's when the dynamic in the room cools a lot. Tony narrows his eyes.

 

"Loki most certainly does not require anyone to speak for him." Loki hisses and suddenly Tony realises it doesn't just feel colder. It is colder for a brief moment before the temperature returns to normal.

 

"I only meant-," Ja- Vision says but Tony has to interrupt.

 

“Look,” Tony says trying to extract himself from the situation, "I know what it looks like but it wouldn't be an AI like Jarvis or even Ultron. It will be a well-programmed robot...," ah yeah okay, he hears it now. "...A well-programmed robot who looks like Pepper, you're right, the optics aren't great, are they?"

 

Loki and Vision both shake their head. They're right. It's a dick move on all accounts now that Tony thinks about it in different terms. It doesn't fix the problem, maybe on the surface, but only because the talk will move from wedding speculation and straight to the headline: Tony Stark: Hero or Villainous Menace? He hates that. He hates that so much. He isn't a bad guy. He just wants to help. He just wants to fix things but he never seems to be able to get it right.

 

"Okay," he says and hates how defeated he sounds. "Press conference, apologies, no robots." For good measure, he tells Friday to archive all work related to Life Model Decoy. And when Friday complies and Vision excuses himself, Loki is still there, looking at Tony.

 

"Do you flirt with May because you wish to be with Pepper Potts?" Loki asks, out of nowhere and looks at Tony like he expects an answer. Tony bends to pick up the coil spanner he had promptly dropped in surprise because what the hell?

 

"Is that what you think, Lo'?" Tony doesn't know where to start. He feels hurt, upset, worried. Had he done anything which would lead Loki to such a conclusion? Was it his fault or had he missed some clues that Loki had doubts? Tony goes through the events of the past week trying to figure out what could have happened. Where had this even come from? Loki had just helped prevent Tony from making another mistake. They had been okay, hadn’t they? “Do you really think I would do that to you?”

 

He misses Loki's smirk spreading to a grin. He misses that it falls moments later. He doesn't miss the arms suddenly wrapped around him.

 

"Forgive me, Anthony," and now Tony is simply confused. "I wished to play a trick on you, but I fear it took a turn I did not anticipate. I do not doubt your love for me."

 

"I dislike it." Tony says when his heart finally settles down and wraps his arms around Loki in return. “Why would you do that?”

 

"Forgive me."

 

"I do, but I'm gonna need you to explain what went through your head to get to a point where you thought this might be funny to me right now." Tony looks up. He isn't angry, he’s emotionally exhausted and- just yeah he just needs to know how Loki got there.

 

"I would accuse you of wishing to be with Miss Potts and you would look at me, surprised but bemused and ask if you heard correctly that I was feeling vulnerable and unsure because the man I love asked his ex to marry him in front of a full press room because he's an idiot and panicked and his lover shape shifted into the form of said ex." Loki isn't done and that already makes Tony smile. "I would say no, but you would push and offer to guess what's wrong until I relented finally and I would tell you I wished to leave this place. Which of course you would agree to and I would tell you that I had booked dinner at Nobu tomorrow night." Loki smiles like he's kind of proud of himself.

 

"Wait that was your plan? To ask me out on a date like that?" Tony isn't sure whether to laugh or cry or just walk away. He does a little bit of all of them as he pulled back to look at Loki. "And you think I would have gotten past 'I want to leave this place' without questioning everything I have ever done to see if I somehow made you feel unwanted? I mean presuming I made it past everything else you packed in there?"

 

"Perhaps I am more a fool than I thought," Loki says quietly, something dark and ominous in his voice. That something he always gets in his voice when he remembers they both will turn out to be monsters, that it was just a matter of time. "Yet you forgive me."

 

"I love Nobu, of course I'm gonna forgive you," Tony says and brings Loki's hands to his lips to kiss them softly. He had meant it when he had promised they would be monsters together. "And I don't know if you noticed but I want to be with you, I don't want to marry Pepper, and I am sorry that you feel trapped in the compound. I should have- I tend to get really comfortable in a place and change has been... bad in the past."

 

"So you were happily content to stay in a space that feels safe," Loki says, his face lighting up with understanding. It's probably the most they've communicated verbally in a long time. Tony feels both thrilled and terrified they're going to start using things like 'I feel' and 'I hear you' to communicate. They aren't those people, Tony tells himself. They aren't open or romantic or any of that. Why he feels the need to continuously insist on that inside his own head, Tony isn't sure. What he does get is why Loki feels trapped inside the compound.

 

"But I still get to leave and you, you no longer go to Asgard and while I'm sure you and Vision have thrilling conversations-" Tony can't finish his sentence when Loki kisses him. That isn't how their conversations are supposed to end but here they are because Tony lets himself melt into the kiss.

 

"I look forward to our date," Loki says with a smile and a twinkle in his eyes that makes Tony wonder if giddy is an emotion Loki feels.

 

Tony on the other hand does not feel giddy. It's been a few years since the attack on New York. Close to a decade, or has it been a decade? So much shit had gone down since that Tony isn't even sure. Or maybe he doesn't want to be sure because it means that he and Loki have been doing their strange semblance of a relationship that has been off and on depending on how long Loki had disappeared. Fuck, Tony thinks and runs a hand over his face. He isn't sure if he should be excited this is their first official date or terrified. He goes with both just to be sure. And before anything else can happen, he has to call Pepper, explain his plan, and hope she is down to come to the press conference with him. He picks up his phone and dials her number without looking.


	2. (The Crippling Self-Doubt)

To everyone's surprise, the press conference goes over well enough. Probably because Pepper does most of the talking and Tony does most of the looking like he's been a fool. Which is fair, there are a couple of boos from the press which he laughs off.

 

"So you're really not getting married?" asks a young woman reporter in the back.

 

"No, definitely not getting married." Pepper shakes her head and looks at Tony. There is pity in her eyes and he hates that. Pepper chuckles and smiles her most charming smile. "And aren't we all glad that this press conference is for a simple misunderstanding and not the end of the world for once?"

 

"So who is the mysterious person who was supposed to join the Avengers but did not?" comes from someone in the back and Tony doesn't think he has ever before seen that reporter. “And isn’t it true that the proposal was a distraction tactic?” Tall, lanky, short blond hair, brown eyes and still… Loki? He can’t follow up on that thought because everyone is suddenly distracted and firing question after question.

 

"Wouldn't be mysterious if I told you," Tony smiles when he pulls himself out of the surprise as Pepper fields some of the questions.

 

"Is it fair to say they haven't signed the Sokovia Accords yet?" Asks someone closer by, Tony can’t tell if it’s the same person.

 

"Yeah that's fair to say," Tony returns. "But as soon as they do, you'll be the first to know."

 

And quickly the press conference evolves into a conversation where they just talk and hang out and try to pry more information out of Tony until Pepper has someone pass around champagne and canapés. It helps that Tony- well Pepper- had the whole thing catered. He knows most of them just came for the promise of free food. He passes on champagne offered to him twice. Externally, he is charming and funny and entertaining but inwardly he would rather hide himself away in his lab with Loki reading in the corner. Anything but here, anywhere but here. But he has no choice, this is how they get out of messes. They clean them up.

 

"That went better than expected," Pepper says when everyone has left. That look of pity is still in her eyes. "How do you feel?"

 

"Felt better," Tony shrugs as he takes off his suit jacket. He doesn't feel like talking.

 

“I can imagine that.” She says without any particular emotion in her voice as they walk out of the room and back into the compound. “Just- there’s been one thing that I can’t really wrap my head around.”

 

“What’s that?” Tony asks because he owes her. He doesn’t really want to know, doesn’t really need her to add anything to the pile he’s shouldered.

 

“If this was supposed to be a distraction, why didn’t Loki just say no after you proposed?”

 

Tony can’t answer that and maybe “why? Because you know you would have said no?” isn’t exactly how he was supposed to respond because Pepper just sighs and calls her driver to meet her out front. And Tony, Tony heads to the gym for a run.

 

When Tony returns to his apartment still in his workout clothes, Loki was nowhere to be found. Tony follows the smell of coffee to the kitchen but Loki is not there either. What is there is a fresh cup of strong, black coffee. And a note which reads: In the shower. Beside the words is a crudely drawn winking smile. Tony chuckles and shakes his head as he takes a few careful sips of the black gold. It's bitter in all the perfect ways with floral hints that linger on his tongue even after he has swallowed. It's great coffee. Maybe not exactly what he should want after running for an hour, but it will keep him from falling asleep in the shower.

 

He finishes the coffee before he looks at the note again and then at the clock. With a smile, he walks to the bathroom leaving a trail of clothes behind him. It's just socks and boxer briefs when he walks into the bathroom where he imagines he can hear an impatient sigh coming from the shower. He pulls off his socks and steps out of the briefs and leisurely walks to the frosted glass door. And it is then when everything catches up with him once more, the press conference, Loki's errant joke, the robot apocalypse, Pepper's look of disappointment, her comment. He wants to forget, needs to just let go and open that door. Loki will help him forget. That's why the note was there on the first place, an offer to help Tony forget. Well, to fuck him until he forgets, same thing. And Tony is so close, all he needs to do is move the frosted glass door to reveal Loki in all his wet and naked glory. Instead, Tony sits down naked on the bathroom floor beside the shower door.

 

He doesn't hear Loki turn off the shower. He doesn't notice that he has sat down on the shower floor beside him and opened the door just enough to study Tony closely. What he does notice is when a wet hand laces their fingers together and squeezes them gently. Tony closes his eyes and leaned his head against the wall behind him. He doesn't lean toward Loki or squeezes back but he holds his hand, because that's all he has the strength to do right now. He hasn't felt this emotionally drained in a long time.

 

For a while, they just sit in silence. The floor is heated so Tony does not feel chilled as he tries to push away intrusive thoughts which keep piling up. Why hadn't Loki just declined him? Why had he tried to fix it by building a robot? Why had he thought that proposing to Pepper had been okay? Everything had been working out in his favour, he had destroyed all his suits, gotten rid of the arc reactor. He had done everything right to get the girl and save the world. Only he hadn't. He hadn't. He'd always teetered at the edge trying to find a way to protect what mattered most to him: earth. He had tried to save everyone and failed, failed every single time. And the harder Tony tried, the worse things seems to get. Everything keeps spiralling out of control and he has no idea how to stop it. Sure, the press conference had cleared up everything but what about next time? And the time after that? The past is against him and he's almost guaranteed to fuck up again and get someone hurt or killed. Doesn't matter if Loki is a powerful alien, Tony knows he can die and the longer he is away from Asgard, the more his powers diminish, that's how Thor had explained it to him.

 

"I don't think I can do this." He eventually says, voice extremely quiet.

 

He has to let go of Loki's hand now, has to let go of everything. If he is alone, no one can be hurt by his actions. He can just lock himself away in his lab and work on benign things that can't hurt anyone. He need to let go of Loki's hand now, get up, and walk away. Only he doesn't let go of Loki's hand. His brain is trying to tell his shoulder to tell his arm to tell his hand to move, but it doesn't.

 

"I understand," is Loki's eventual response and Tony hates how heavy his voice is.

 

He knows Loki will let go now, Loki will disappear and it will be best for everyone. Tony is a danger to everyone around him, Loki, Pepper, the kid, the Avengers. And Loki will understand that and leave. It will hurt, it will hurt so fucking much but it will be best for everyone. Eventually, Loki will get over the pain and Tony... well it doesn't matter to Tony if he has to carry that pain with him for the rest of his life. It is after all what he deserves, what he- Loki let's go of his hand and Tony's heart races with regret. He wants to tell Loki to stay, that he made a mistake, that he didn't mean what he had said but he can't. He can't because Loki moves out of the shower and pulls Tony in a tight embrace. Tony can't breathe, he can't cry, all he can do is cling to Loki with a desperation which turns his mind blank to anything but the desire to be closer to Loki.

 

"I'm sorry," he manages to choke out against Loki's shoulder, but Loki simply holds him closer, doesn't expect anything, just holds him tight and places a soft kiss against Tony's skin. Tony knows he doesn't deserve this but he wants it so desperately that he can't let go.

 

"We will take a shower," Loki whispers in Tony's ear, "just a shower, I am terribly sorry to have to rescind my previous offer, but I promise, I will make it up to you." He kisses Tony's ear and pulls him standing. Tony doesn't protest, he feels like he could sleep for a thousand years and still not be rested. He does feel a smile tug at his lips because yeah, there had been intent in coming here, but more often than not intent for heated intimacy, intent to fuck and just feel good had been overshadowed by their need to be close and still hoping that their tainted past would not catch up with them for another day.

 

He leans against Loki because his entire body revolts against being far from him. When the warm water hits his back, he wraps his arms around Loki's neck, buries his face against his collarbone, sighs when Loki kisses his hair, and closes his eyes again.

 

"You never leave," Tony whispers against Loki's skin. He isn't exactly sure what he means important he knows that Loki had been consistently appeared whenever Tony had needed him. And he had stayed after Tony had asked him to. It feels like more than Tony deserves. It always does.

 

"Remember that night I appeared to you for the first time?" Loki asks just as quiet and that takes Tony by surprise. They don't dwell on the past, at least that is what they tell themselves.

 

"I thought I was hallucinating." Tony looks up at Loki, those eyes which are blue or green or both depending on the day. He smiled because he had genuinely thought he had finally lost his battle with PTSD. His therapist had encouraged him to engage in dialogue with the hallucination in an attempt to make peace with what had happened.

 

"I was relieved when you thought that." Loki says and unceremoniously dumps shampoo on Tony's hair. Right, shower, getting clean and all that.

 

Tony had engaged Loki like a hallucination and Loki had played along. Until one day, Tony had gotten incredibly drunk while talking to Loki and nearly fallen off the roof of the penthouse terrace in New York. Loki had caught him. And the rest well, the rest had led them here, where Loki is massaging shampoo into Tony's hair. Maybe they hadn't saved each other, but it's good enough. He smiles at Loki and stands on his toes to kiss him. Only then there suddenly is shampoo in his eyes and everything tastes like soap. They both laugh as they shuffle back under the water to rinse off all the shampoo. Tony kisses Loki again and this time it isn't soapy. It's wet and he still somehow gets water up his nose but he doesn't care.

 

When he is with Loki things calm down and make sense. It's like they have their own little bubble that keeps them safe from the outside world. Only that's now how being a superhero works. It's not how being a genius engineer works. It's not how being a friend works. Tony knows he can't simply hide himself away with Loki and shut out everything else in his life. There still are people who need him, who look up to him. Tony can't remember the last time he and Rhodey had a beer together. Sure they've been working on his rehabilitation but in the end he'd even kept Rhodey at arm's length. Bruce was still missing and there was little hope that they would ever see him again. Tony's world kept shrinking and it keeps shrinking because he's keeping Loki a secret that only Vision and Pepper know. His world keeps shrinking and he knows things will get worse the more it does.

 

"You should join the Avengers." Tony says and looks at Loki who freezes mid-movement. He looks like a startled deer, staring at Tony as if he had suggested that Loki sacrifice his own life for something entirely trivial. "You want to help. You're bored when you're alone and most importantly, you know what's coming for us."

 

"My apologies, my dear Tony," Loki says after a few beats, "I believe I misheard you because you cannot be serious in suggesting that I join your little band of tragic heroes."

 

"We defeated you, didn't we?" There's something in Loki's eyes that Tony can't read, but he knows the face well enough. It isn't cold or angry, but concealing how Loki truly feels about something. It's a mask he wears well, but he doesn't pull away not end the conversation. "Sure, we did that with a Hulk, but that's the point, isn't it? We don't have a Hulk anymore." It hurts to say that and Loki's expression softens when he detects the pain in Tony's voice. Tony isn't sure that makes him feel better.

 

"Perhaps for now, we shall focus on tonight and not the future." Loki says eventually.

 

Maybe that's the right thing to do. Maybe for once, he shouldn't think about the future. That's what he does constantly already. Think about every possible advancement in an attempt to chase his father's legacy as a futurist. But maybe he doesn't have to be.

 

“I would _much_ prefer to focus on our date tonight.” Loki interrupts Tony's thoughts with a smile.

 

“I just-,” Tony runs a hand through his wet hair, “just one question.”

 

“Of course,” Loki says as he hands Tony a towel and wraps one around his own waist.

 

“I panicked, and the proposal was to distract everyone… why didn’t you say no?”

 

“Oh my darling Anthony, that,” Loki says with a smile playing around the corners of his mouth, “wouldn’t be mysterious if I told you.” He winks and disappears from Tony’s vision and by the time Tony makes it out of the bathroom, Loki is nowhere to be found.

 

 

 

 


	3. (The End of the World As We Know It)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally got a break from my joints hurting and finished as fast as I could. There's more in this canon-divergent universe, but for now, this is the end.

The street is quiet when Tony drives them to Nobu. Loki had offered to drive but when asked if he could drive the answer had been "well I don't see how much different it could be from a space craft" and Tony had firmly vetoed the suggestion. He had also opted for not taking the flashiest car he owned which had gotten him a raised eyebrow from Loki but nothing more. It doesn't matter in which car they arrive, not to Tony, but he does kind of hope he won't yet have to explain why he is having a business meeting on a Friday night with a business man no one has ever before seen. That is if no one remembers what Loki looks like even if the guy without battle regalia and with a crisp black suit and freshly washed hair looks more like he's walked off a runway at New York fashion week than what everyone perceived as a megalomaniac invader who had terrorized the city. He still can't get over the fact that Loki's hair doesn't naturally fall pin straight but in soft curls. Not that Loki couldn't just change that but that it's his preferred look still makes Tony constantly want to run his fingers through Loki's hair... and maybe that's why.

 

"You look amazing," Tony said as they pull up. The low whistle through his teeth when they'd met by the car hadn't cut it. Neither really do words, because Loki looks the most human and the most otherworldly he ever has in all their time together. Who else could pulls off black on black without looking like they're going to funeral? No one but Loki, that much Tony knows. He also knows that this is strange, to be out, to be driving with Loki to a restaurant. It reminds him a lot of what he and Pepper used to do, pretend like they were a normal couple when in reality they were anything but. Loki never had asked him to pretend to be that and he had never expected anything like this of Loki. And maybe that is why it works, maybe that's why Tony isn't running for the hills but instead pulls up in front of Nobu like he means it, like this isn't a huge step in whatever they haven't defined but clearly is a monogamous thing in which they plan on staying until it's no longer possible. He can't help the way his mind runs away with him, thinking of every possibility as to why Loki had asked him out on a date. Because that's what this is. A date, a fucking formal date.

 

He opens his mouth to say something about how ridiculous this all is. He wants to ask what they are doing, wants to know if Loki thinks this is just something he believes Tony wants. He does open his mouth and he almost finds the words but then Loki just smiles at him, broad, light and easy and Tony can't remember what words are.

 

"Shall we?" Loki asks, but it's not really a question because he's already opening the door before Tony can nod. He feels like this may be an out of body experience, like this is an illusion Loki conjured to entertain himself. He just can't find his way out of his head and just follows Loki. He doesn't even notice the entire restaurant is empty until he sits down at a table which isn't his regular table. It's not his regular table for business meetings and dates with Pepper, it is an entirely different table tucked away from view even though they are the one ones here.

 

"What's going on, Lo'?" He looks around, nervous. Okay nervous is an understatement maybe. He feels like he's on hot coals and in a bucket of ice simultaneously.

 

"Privacy," Loki simply says, "I assumed you are not yet ready to be seen with me in public."

 

"That's not...," he has to trail off because 'that's not it' isn't the truth. That is part of it. While he's enjoyed the company of other men before, this is the first time Tony has feelings for another man, human or otherwise- and Loki definitely qualifies as otherwise. Everyone thinks of Tony as a lady killer, a womanizer, a playboy, a very much straight playboy and while Tony doesn't care what's between someone's legs as long as they're on the same page, he hasn't gone out of his way to correct the heteronormativity with which the press approaches him. "I don't mean to not be ready."

 

"Oh my dear Anthony," Loki smiles because he knows Tony likes when he calls him by his full name. "If I minded, this restaurant would not be empty. Thankfully, a rather wealthy Norwegian business man by the name of Gunnar Goleman thought ahead and booked the entire place."

 

"Gunnar." Tony raises an eyebrow. Not what he had expected.

 

"That is the point which raises the question? The name I chose?" Loki chuckles and takes a drink of water which seems to have simply appeared on the table. "Not how I booked the entire restaurant or the possibility that I may have stolen some of your money."

 

"Did you?"

 

"Did I what?"

 

"Steal my money."

 

"Oh don't be ridiculous," Loki rolls his eyes and that's pretty damn endearing, "of course not, earth’s currencies are easy to come by and once one has them, so is an entirely new identity."

 

"Like Gunnar Goleman."

 

"Precisely." Loki smiles and leans back in his chair. "I do require an identity unless you wish to tell the world your heart belongs to whom it perceives to be a villain."

 

"I wish you didn't."

 

"Yes, well, how do you say? Get in line?" There's a hint of bile and regret in that statement and it surprises Tony. Everything about Loki surprises Tony and it is wonderful and terrifying all at once, it makes him doubt and guess and question with the exception of Loki's feelings for him. He never has to doubt those. Those are always clear.

 

"Thank you." He says and takes a drink from his water as well. Judging by the lack of wine bottle already on the table, Loki already arranged for the night to be a dry one. For that, Tony is grateful as well.

 

"Despite what you may have heard, I am not entirely selfish." Loki says with a raised eyebrow like he needs Tony to acknowledge that.

 

"You know I know that." Tony says with a slight frown. This is all a lot of- he isn't sure what this is a lot of and maybe that's why he's feeling a little twitchy. “Right?”

 

 "Do I?" Loki asks and Tony doesn't think that's fair.

 

 "Hey, if you don't know that I know that you're not an asshole," Tony drained his water glass, might as well get hydrated. "We haven’t been in the same relationship... Gunnar," Tony uses that fake name because the first course is brought to them. He makes a face when they are alone once more and it isn't because of the food. "That's never gonna sound normal coming out of my mouth."

  

"What about in your mouth?" Loki says without missing a beat and Tony nearly chokes on the bite of salmon he took.

 

"You are terrible and I can't take you anywhere." Tony can't help but laugh because somehow, Loki can make this ridiculous scenario of them on a date in public seem fucking normal. "And just so that we are clear and it's on record: I know you are not entirely selfish nor an asshole."

 

It surprises Tony that Loki looks relieved. Did he up until this point truly think that Tony believed he is? Maybe they're both so fucked up at this point that they do need constant reassurance. They eat the first course in relative silence. Salmon tartar, caviar, lobster salad, Tony loves this place. And he know Loki does, too, because the guy closes his eyes and sighs when he finishes the final bite. And there are four more courses to come. At least that's what Tony suspects. He truly has no idea what this night will entail.

 

It entails five more courses and conversation that flows easily, even if Tony calling Loki by his fake name does not. But when Tony watches Loki lick the last drops of dessert from his spoon, he knows it's time to go home. When he feels Loki's foot- sans shoe- caress his calf, yeah it's definitely time to go. Everything already has been settled anyhow and it's not like Tony ever cares about what things cost.

 

"Can we get you anything else?" They are asked but Tony is already standing.

 

"Absolutely not," he says and drops whatever cash he has in his wallet as a tip and stares at Loki who slowly- on fucking purpose- puts his shoe back on and stands up like he knows exactly what he's doing. Tony doesn't even bother putting on his jacket as he drags Loki out the door. Loki who is laughing certainly bemused as he puts on his jacket and only lets go of Tony's hand for the split second it takes him to put his jacket on. They don't make it to the car.

 

Tony drags Loki into an alley and kisses him hard. He cannot believe that Loki has been so fucking gorgeous all night, so amazing, so perfect, and in all this time, all this shit they've been through, mindless making out hasn't been exactly on the forefront of their minds. That's exactly what is on the forefront of Tony's mind now though. Mindless making out in an alley. Maybe he's desperate to be close to Loki. Maybe it's how fucking hydrated he is. Or maybe he's just for once feeling like they're just two regular people in love.

  

"Thank you," he whispers against Loki's ear, "I haven't- it's been- just thank you. I had a wonderful time."

  

"You are very welcome, Anthony," Loki smiles against Tony's neck and grabs him by the lapels and pushes him into the wall, his thigh pressing between Tony's legs to spread them slightly as he kisses him hard before Tony can say those three words that have been sitting on his tongue all night. Instead, he kisses back hard, fingers buried in Loki's hair tugging on it in all the ways he knows Loki loves it. And Loki, Loki is busy ripping open his shirt because they are so caught up in the moment they don't hear or see anything around them. Not even the shadow that passes over the alley. No, they see and hear none but each other. Tony pulls away and gasps for air. They need to go home now otherwise they're going to be naked in the alley and they need to avoid that.

 

"Lo', can we-," that's all Tony gets out before Loki is torn away from him with an undignified yelp and smashed into the side of the building a few times before disappearing onto the roof tops.

 

"Don't worry, Mister Stark," he hears a shout from above, "I got your back."

 

"Ah fuck," Tony stumbles out of the alley and looks up. He can't shout for Peter because secret identity and all that. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he pulls his phone out of his pocket. "Friday, I need a suit! Now!" He really needs to figure out a way to make the suit part of him, so he doesn't have to rely on a suit as he sees Peter thrown across the street and catch himself with ease. Loki isn't going to try and hurt the kid, Tony knows that. Unless the kid pisses him off and Loki forgets that he's practically a god. Fuck.

 

"It's okay, Mister Stark," Peter shouts from the roof top with a wave, "I've got him tied up until everyone can come collect hi- oh crap!" The energy burst is so small it really only knocks Peter off his feet. There's a chuckle that echoes across the street and Tony runs towards it. Because of course Loki is suddenly in full regalia.

 

"I need you both to stop," Tony tries to shout but fuck, he is out of shape. Maybe he should find the treadmill more often. Having a suit is great and all, but not when he is trying catch up with a practically-a-god and a teenager. At least Friday tells him that the suit is less than three minutes out and under the radar because she assumes that he doesn't want questions asked. Not that anyone does, he thinks as he jogs across the road and stops dead when Loki smashes into the concrete in front of him and pushes himself up with a groan.

 

"He gets this from you," he says and brushes debris from his hair. There are at least a dozen cars stopped around them. Tony doesn’t need to turn his head to know they’re already being filmed by a whole bunch of cellphones.

 

"Oh now it's my fault?" Tony chuckles, trying to ignore what this exchange out in the open means, "what happened to 'you're trying your best?" The cat's out of the bag anyhow, so he extends his hand to help Loki up but Loki's wrist gets caught by webbing.

 

 "He also does not know when to sto-," Loki's exasperated sigh when he's pulled away and wrapped up and stuck against another wall almost makes Tony laugh. But no, they gotta stop the kid before he hurts himself.

  

"Hey!" He shouts as he keeps running across the street. Yeah, he's gonna have to explain a lot when this is done, but for now, keeping Peter safe. "Hey Spidey! We gotta talk!"

 

He can hear the webbing from across the road. He can tell it's pointed at him. For a moment he prepares to have to peel himself out a sticky mess, but there's a flash and nothing ever hits him. Because Loki escaped his confinement and is walking towards the kid with his arms up.

 

"You have to stop," he says, calm and collected and Tony's really proud of that.

 

But Peter doesn't stop. Peter makes a joke about horns compensating for something and Tony's really proud of that, too. But then Loki appears directly in front of Peter, grabs him by the throat and disappears. Fuck.

 

"Friday, I need that-," he can't finish his sentence when he feels the familiarity of his suit wrapping around him and he takes off.

 

"Sorry boss, there was terrible traffic on the I-95," Friday says like he actually is going to believe that.

 

"Doesn't matter, find Loki and Peter." He says and banks a hard right.

 

"Queensboro Bridge," Friday informs him and Tony tries not to worry when he sees them on top of one of the spires. Peter has broken free and Loki still seems to try to talk to him... while shooting small daggers of ice at him. None are actually aimed directly at the kid, but the kid doesn't know that.

 

"Hey guys," Tony says as he circles them, "I'm gonna need you to both maybe, y'know, stop?"

 

Loki sighs and glances at Tony with a nod. It's when Peter sees an opportunity and fuck that kid is fast and perceptive because he shoots an array of small round things Tony hasn't seen before at Loki. And Loki who had raised his arms to surrender looks surprised when they hit and blow up. Tony expects Loki to shake it off and be annoyed, roll his eyes maybe and zap Peter hard enough to render him unconscious for now. He doesn't expect Loki to sway and fall backwards, bouncing off the side of the bridge before his limp body falls into the water. Tony can't breathe. It doesn’t matter that Loki’s obviously playing the kid, Tony still can’t breathe or quell the panic he feels.

 

He doesn't think for a moment when he dives into the river. There's no way that Peter has something in his suit that can knock Loki, practically a god Loki out cold. Impossible. That doesn't stop Tony's heart from racing as he scans the water for Loki. He needs to know that he's okay. Loki treading water a few metres below the surface illuminated only by the light of the arc reactor is good enough. Tony tries to ignore how fucking gorgeous he is with his hair floating around him. Loki smiles when he sees Tony in the suit and waves. There's another splash into the water and both know it's Peter. Loki immediately goes limp, the little shit, and sinks. Tony shakes his head and dives to grab him by the shirt and drag him and Peter out of the water and onto the shore of Roosevelt Island. Peter immediately finds the high ground and dries himself off.

 

"Sorry Mister Stark," he says but doesn't pull the mask off his face. Kid's learning, that's good. "He kept playing innocent and I thought he might have put you under a spell."

 

"Yeah well, looks like you got him good," Tony says and looks at Loki who is still playing possum apparently and Tony shakes his head. "But seriously, Lo', I'm gonna need you get up and all of us need to sit down and talk."

 

"He looks too old for the birds and the bees, Anthony," Loki says, just as dry as Peter now is and stands up.

 

"Don't do it!" Tony stands between both of them. "You, get down here, I know for a fact you're not gonna have enough webbing left to get home, which by the way it is way past your bedtime on a school night, young man." Loki snorts which makes Tony step out of the suit and look at him. "And you are supposed to be an adult here. Leading by example, remember that?"

 

"Mister Stark," Peter pipes up as he hops back down, "I gotta admit, I’m confused. He attacked you in the alley."

 

"Oh dear, perhaps we should refresh the birds and the bees, Anthony, clearly that part of his education was sorely missed."

 

"Not helping, babe." Tony runs a hand over his face and looks at Peter. "He didn't attack me." That's all he says. Peter's a fucking genius, he can figure this-

 

"What do you- oh...," Tony can hear Peter turn beet red. "So you're not under a spell?"

 

"No," Tony shakes his head with a soft smile.

 

"And you didn't attack him." He says to Loki as if he doesn't want the two things to add up. Tony doesn't blame him there.

 

"I did not," Loki says just as patient back in the suit he's worn earlier. And then there is an awkward silence and Peter looks between the two.

 

"I have questions." He simply says and sits down.

 

"I would be more worried if you didn't and started shooting at me again," Loki says before Tony can say anything and sits down beside the kid.

 

"I didn't really knock you out, did I?" Peter sounds disappointed and Tony figures out where the nearest pizza place is.

 

"No," Loki says with a soft smile. "But you fought valiantly, my brother would be very proud of you."

 

"Seriously? Thor?!” Peter sounds way too excited. “Never met the guy but I hear he’s an even greater hero than Mister Stark and Captain America.”

 

“I wouldn’t say it exactly like that…,” Loki says but there’s a smile that plays around his lips.

 

“I know he told the Avengers you died trying to save him after your mom-.” Peter doesn’t finish the sentence and that’s classified information Tony hasn’t told him yet. Loki knows that but takes it in stride.

 

“I made peace with death,” Loki says quietly. “But life was not yet done with me.”

 

“I’m sorry your mom died.” Peter says. “Mine died, too.”

 

And that's when Tony quietly steps back into his suit and goes to grab pizza. He isn't worried they'll fight again and he is right because when he returns not ten minutes later, they're still in the same spot and Loki's talking about something which Tony can’t hear but Peter seems to understand because he nods. He gives them a few more minutes before he interrupts with pizza which they eat while talking. Peter is less freaked out and confused now and that’s really all that matters. They’ll figure out the rest later, after they return Peter home. After they’re back at the compound. They don’t turn on the TV to look at the news. Tony can tell by the 27 missed calls that tomorrow they’re going to have a lot of clean-up work. Loki asks if they should deal with it now, but Tony shakes his head.

 

“Tomorrow,” he says and pulls Loki close and kisses him gently. “Right now, I would like to finish what we started if the kid hasn’t worn you out too much.”

 

“I shall ignore that because I, too, would very much like to finish what we started,” Loki smiles and returns the kiss. Tomorrow, they’ll deal with the end of everything they had. Tomorrow. Tonight, they sink onto the bed and cling to what little time their peace has left.

 

 

 

 

_fin_


End file.
